The Snark Tank

SNOW - M - G!!!

2010-02-09T13:55:00.003-05:00

Thought I would share some pics of the snow from here (SW Ohio). Enjoy!!

Stop buying things that cost money on Amazon!

2009-10-13T09:31:00.003-04:00

The title of this post comes courtesy of my husband last Saturday. We were in the car with our daughter and I don't even remember what we were discussing. Probably the Kindle (US & Int'l access) he pre-ordered for me for my birthday (thanks honey - mwaah!) next month.

All of a sudden this little gem pops out of his mouth. My daughter & I could only giggle.

I currently have the Kindle reader for my iPhone, and I have been downloading lots of free content (public domain works as well as some of the "freebies" they offer). I tend to check out theKindle store once a day to see what's free.

Earlier in the week, however, I had downloaded a sample of a novel from one of my favorite authors. After finishing it on my iPhone, I came to the page that says" if you like this sample, buy now". Well, I was only trying to get back to the home page but accidentally (or maybe not :-D) I hit the "buy now" button. So it was $9.99. Hence the title comment.

I hope you got a giggle out of this like we did!

letter to the editor update

2009-07-21T12:59:00.003-04:00

Well, I have yet to hear form the newspaper about my letter to the editor. Usually if they intend to publish it they will call to verify you did write a letter. I am not terribly surprised. I did, however, hear from the photographer: "Thanks for reading". What a tool!

Oh well, at least I got that bit of poison out of my soul.

Musings on my "hometown" newspaper

2009-07-15T14:02:00.004-04:00

I don't know if everyone has these issues, but they sure piss me off. I live in a medium-sized city in the midwest (Ohio, near Cincinnati). My city is the county seat. Our local newspaper used to be just that - news about our city. I know that things change and in order to stay relelvant they had to start covering other cities & areas in our county. But they are now owned by a newspaper based in Dayton Ohio and have been for several years. There is nothing wrong with Dayton, but honestly, at least 60% of the ads my "hometown" paper features are for businesses in and around Dayton. Dayton isn't THAT far from my town, but if I need anything, be it a cell phone or furniture or pretty much anything else I am pretty sure it can be found a heck of a lot closer than Dayton.

And of course I know that a newspaper is a business and the goal of any business is to make money. But for the love of Pete, every time you turn around they are pushing some sort of special section ostensibly to "honor" or "recognize" some special group or another, such as "Baby's First Christmas", memorials at various holidays (Easter, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc) in addition to the standard and time-honored HS senior baby/grad pics and Valentine's Day messages. And of course they aren't free. It has gotten to the point that it costs upwards of $20 for a 2" x 2" box so everyone will know you love your ferret or cheerleader or whatever.

Then there are the typos. Good Lord the typos! I guess they are in vogue now, what with several coming recently in the form of press releases from the White House ( http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/07/09/more-spelling-errors-plague-obama-releases/ ) I guess it's just expecting too much of people who write for a living to assure their work is error free BEFORE they post/print it. The editor addressed this a couple years ago basically blaming it on the "fast pace of the news industry today". So I'm wondering, how long does it take to press the "spell check" or "grammar check" button on one's computer? Answer - less than a second. So I have come to the conclusion that either A) They are incapable of performing this simple task to proof their work or B) they simply don't give a crap. I honestly don't know which answer is worse. And I'm talking about basic usage mistakes, such as "their" instead of "there", things most of us learned before 3rd grade.

I no longer take home delivery of this paper for these very reasons. The proverbial "straw thst broke the camel's back" came this morning when I checked out the paper's website (I figured spotting the typos is free on the 'net). They had a link to some photos from the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie. I clicked on it, thinking that since my daughter & a friend went to it I might see a picture of them. Instead, all of the photos were taken at a theater which is located in the "snooty" part of the county. You know, the one where our local Congressman resides (I won't tell you his name, but he is the one who is so tan he looks like he is covered in "rich Corinthian leather". I'm sure you'll figure it out). This area is the fastest growing in our county, mostly due to the fact that it is located adjacent to a major interstate highway, not due to being better in any other sense. But many of this area's residents seem to think they are better than others in our county. More proof of this comes in the form of the n ames of their school disctrict's 2 high schools - they are L_____ East & L_____ West, when in actuality they are geographically situated on a nearly perfect north/south axis. I was told by someone in the know that they rejected using North & South for the school names due to the "negative" connotation attached to them (ie the Civil War). Honestly I think the only minorites there are the housekeepers & gardeners for the McMansions, so why are they worried?

But I digress, the fact that they couldn't be bothered to go to more than one theater to take pictures just rubbed me the wrong way. So I took keyboard in hand and wrote a letter to the editor as well as to the photographer who took the pictures. Here, verbatim, is my letter. I have altered some of the names.

I just wanted to let you know that the R___ Theater in W___ C______ was not the only one with a midnight showing of the Harry Potter film. There was quite a large crowd at the K_____ theater on Main Street in H______ as well, with several people in character, so I was excited when I clicked on the link to the photos on your website this morning. I was hoping to maybe see a picture of my daughter & her friend. I guess it was silly of me to think that the "H______" Journal-News might actually cover something happening in H______. I know the fancy folks in W___ C_____ are better than us plain old "H_____ Hillbillies" (or at least they think they are). I guess you couldn't get a photographer to willingly venture into icky old H_____ after dark. Who knows what terrible fate would await them - an ugly hooker or some other unsavory character might approach them. But it would be nice if the paper would actually cover something of H_____ other than the negative stories. There is a lot more to H______ than pit bull attacks and prostitution stings. Of course that mostly happens on the East Side close to your offices so I guess it's easier to cover those stories. God forbid you cross the bridge.

I know I am not the only one who is frustrated by this. This is one of the reasons I no longer have a subscription. That and the apparent inability of many of your reporters to use simple, easily available tools like spell check and grammar check before they post/print their articles. Maybe it's good old fashioned laziness, or they think all H_____ians are a bunch of dumb hicks and we won't notice. Whatever the reason I think it is pretty pitiful that a newspaper puts out such a shoddy product and doesn't seem to care. Indeed, in the past it has been blamed on the "fast pace of the news industry today". Honestly, how long does it take to press the "spell check" or "grammar check" button on a computer? But I notice that when you win an award, which seems to happen about once a month or so, there is always a prominent self-congratulatory article (and those never seem to have typos). If they are given out that often how prestigious can they be? Maybe it's an offshoot of the "we don't keep score and everyone gets a trophy" mentality we have in society today. I hope you don't dislocate your shoulders patting yourselves on the back.

At any rate, I figured I can play "spot the typo" and marvel at how the reporter has no clue where anything in Hamilton actually is becuase they are based in Dayton for free on the internet. Also, I realize you are owned by the Dayton Daily News (and coincidentally the downhill turn in quality started about the time that happened) but I think I speak for many H______ians when I say that all the ads for Dayton businesses are pretty annoying. If I need a cell phone I am most assuredly NOT going to travel all the way to Dayton to buy one, or anything else for that matter.

I am just curious, but does J____ M_____ have compromising photos of someone important at the J-N offices? Why else would you feature him as a "guest columnist" so often? If you actually enjoy reading his liberal Democratic party talking point drivel you are most definitely in the minority. And if I wanted to read NYT columnists I would read those online as well, but honestly, my time would be better spent watching paint dry or grass grow. It's always amusing how people if this ilk are always nattering on and on about free speech, but at the first sign of a diessenting opinion they either shout them down or resort to elementary school playground level insults. It's wishful thinking at this point to expect that you would present an equal amount of voices on both sides of the political spectrum.

I'm sure this e-mail will go straight into the delete file (or is it the more eco-friendly "recycle bin"?) on your computer. I'd be surprised if you have actually read it this far before deleting it. I don't realistically expect a reply or to actually have it printed. I just wanted to express my opinion and my frustrations, which are shared by many. At least I can still do that. This week anyway.

So that is my letter. Not terribly eloquent, I know, but I was frustrated. I got a return e-mail from the photographer which simply said "Thanks for reading". Smart Ass. I don't expect to hear anything from the editor and I sure don't expect it to be printed, but at least I expressed an opinion.

You're probably thinking that if this is all I have to worry about I am in good shape, and you'd be right. This is exactly why I can spend time pissing & moaning about this stuff. Someone needs to. Or maybe I just like bitching abut stuff. You'd be right about that too. But again, someone needs to do it. I'm just saving you the trouble. You're welcome.

Dear lady in the Wal-Mart parking lot,

2009-07-02T17:00:00.003-04:00

I'm sure there was a perfectly GOOD reason you nearly ran me over while I was trying to cross from the parking lot to the building WHILE IN THE CROSSWALK. I know in the trailer park they probably don't have such fancy things as crosswalks, or paved roads, or, you know, natural teeth. But was it really necessary to cuss at me? All I said was "DON'T stop in the crosswalk or anything." I most certainly did not utter the "F" word at you, so your response - "Don't say "F***" to me" was a bit perplexing to me. Kinda how a toothbrush or deodorant tend to confuse you and have you crying in the fetal postion for a day or two.

But I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you were having a bad day. Maybe one of your 6 kids had just announced you were going to be a grandmother at the ripe old age of 35( but hey, more welfare!!), or the clerk told you that you can't use food stamps to buy Skoal, or they were out of your brand of menthols.

But next time, don't drive on. Stop and let's have a conversation. I think I know a few multi-syllable words you just might be able to comprehend, as well as some awesome hand gestures.

Best,

The Queen of Snark

Hubby + chain saw = ?

2009-06-28T12:16:00.002-04:00

Hubby is outside using his chain saw for the first time. He is cutting up part of a tree that fell during Thursday night/Friday nmorning's storms. We were very lucky - lost power for the better part of 24 hours, had to throw out some food, but thankfully no damage (roof has yet to be inspected, but to my untrained eye it looks ok).

I hope he manages NOT to maim himself or our son while playing Grizzly Adams!!

RIP Ed, Farrah & Michael

2009-06-26T16:59:00.004-04:00

Wow, what can be said. Two pop culture icons gone. One was pretty much expected, the other not so much (at least not so soon). And that's not even counting Ed McMahon. Make that three.

Say what you want about MJ, the man had more talent in one of his DNA molecules than most of us combined in our whole bodies. Yes, he was a freak, yes, he was most likely a pedophile, but he was talented. I think most of his "quirks" stemmed from noever having had a childhood. That is not to excuse his behaviors & activities, just stating a fact. From a very early age he was basically a business commodity to his dad, along with the rest of his siblings. I don't think you can point to any of them that aren't odd in some way. It's just that Michael, with his tremendous presence, stood out more than the rest.

My daughter always complains when his songs come on the radio, and I tell her that however much a freak he is/was now, he is/was a great singer & songwriter. The Thriller video is still my favorite of all time. And if he hadn't written "Beat It" or "Bad", we wouldn't have those awesome Weird Al parodies.

Yes he was a weirdo, but he had a family who loved him and will miss him. And so will I.

Kate Gosselin: 'It feels like I failed'

2009-06-24T14:48:00.005-04:00

Having never watched the show, but unfortunately not able to avoid other coverage of it in the media, I feel compelled to comment - DUH, you think so?!?!

Most of all you failed your kids, let alone your marriage (not to mention your hairstyle - what is THAT about??). Next I suppose we'll hear how you were "forced" to open your home to TV cameras. Now I imagine having 8 kids, including a set of sextuplets, gets pretty expensive. I only have 2 and it's crazy how much cash we go thru for them, but honestly, was having your entire life filmed for TV the ONLY way to pull in some extra jack?

Oh, I'm sure it seemed fine at first (as I said, I have never watched the show) but then got old the more famous you got. It kills me that these so-called " reality celebrities" voluntarily opt to have TV cameras shoved into their private lives, but that they then complain how all the publicity is so awful to deal with - usually as they touch-up their make-up and make sure the camera is getting their "good side".

In this entire situation, I only feel sorry for the kids. The sextuplets have only ever known having the cameras around. I hope they don't end up completely screwed up by this.

Um, yeah THAT's good parenting - NOT

2009-06-24T09:17:00.000-04:00

Dear lady (I use the term loosely) who sat behind us on Father's Day at the family restaurant-

Thanks for making my husband's Father's Day breakfast SO enjoyable by:

A) leaving your 4-5 year-old son in charge of your 1-2 year-old son while you waddled your 400# ass up to the breakfast buffet. No, really, it was so peaceful & serene eating our breakfast to the soothing sounds of the younger one having a coniption fit and the older one yelling at him "Sit down, you're going to be in trouble, be quiet!!!" over & over at pretty much the top of his lungs. This does NOT qualify as parental supervision FYI. Plus the irony was not lost on me that a FATHER was nowhere in sight on FATHER's Day. Maybe his gift was not having to bear witness to your poor parenting skills. But I'm just going to go out on a limb and guess the baby daddy (daddies) isn't (aren't) in the picture.

B) for the younger one being shirtless DURING the meal, but then you lovingly took the time to put it back on him when you LEFT. Are you dyslexic? But I will give you points for none of you being in your pajamas. THAT was refreshing (and a whole other blog post!).

C) for handling the younger one's tantrum not by shushing him quietly or *gasp* gtting off your fat ass and maybe taking him outside or to the bathroom (you obviously didn't have a problem leaving them alone earlier, so the older one would be ok for a few minutes) but by fussing at him and telling him "people are trying to eat, they don't want to hear you crying". Honey, that ship left the harbor already. At least they didn' throw any food.

While I have a certain amount of sympathy for a single mom, and the best of parents can have a bad day, common sense should be utilized at least when in a public setting. I can't help but wonder how many millions of dollars her lawsuit would have been for if the little one had been injured while she was away from the table. I am thinking probably quite a few. A couple times I almost turned around to try & comfort the younger one, but then I imagined her stomping back to the table to tell me to mind my own business. There was an older couple sitting across from them and the woman did try to talk to the younger one, but he was inconsolable.

Yes, I am sure you wanted to enjoy your fifteenth plate from the buffet, but when you are a parent there are times when you might have to forgo your own needs & wants to tend to your kids. I am not portraying myself as a perfect parent, far from it, but when my kids acted up in public, I would remove them from the situation in order not to subject everyone to their brattiness.

Barnes ampersand Noble - corporate asshats

2009-06-23T17:17:00.001-04:00

Yes, I know that is a harsh assessment of what is probably America’s largest & most beloved bookseller, but it is unfortunately accurate. Come listen to my tale of woe and, ultimately, satisfaction (though not from Barf & No-Balls).
Once upon a time I had a B&N discount card (only $25/year!). As you might deduce from the title of this post, I no longer “enjoy” my 10% member discount. Our story begins just about a year ago (Jun ‘08). I had a B&N gift card, so I decided to buy some books I had been wanting. They were all sequels to a book I had previously read, Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey (I highly recommend it BTW). I figured I’d order the next few entries in the series, the newest of which was hardcover.
I love to read, but being a busy mom of 2 I don’t have a ton of extra time to sit around reading and eating bon-bons and getting my nails done (wish in one hand and wet in the other & see which one fills up first, as my dear grandmother used to say). I received my order of 5 books, but didn’t have a chance to start them, plus it had been a while since I had read the first one so I wanted to “start fresh” with it.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago (insert cool Wayne’s World sound effect here). I picked up the first book and started it. I got thru with that one and started the second (are you sensing a pattern here?) After that, the third one. All were as good as the first and I was eager to start the 4th in the series, which is told from a different character’s perspective.
So I settle in with volume 4 and begin reading. I am enjoying it as much as the first 3. I get to chapter 4. I reach the end of page 48, and the end of a sentence. I move to the top of the next page, but it is the middle of a sentence. I scan back to page 48, thinking maybe I missed the beginning of the sentence, but no, it ends there. SO I look back at the next page, and what is written doesn’t even make sense with what I had been reading. So I glance at the top of the page and see the number 81 staring at me. 81?! WTF? 33 pages are missing! I flip thru the book to see of maybe some of the pages got put in the wrong order during the binding process. Nope. All the other pages seem to be right where they are, but pages 49-80 seem to have disappeared into a black hole or another dimension. I imagine they are bunking with Paris Hilton’s modesty or Kate Gosselin’s maternal instinct.
I sit down at my computer & look up good old B&N’s website. I find my order history, pull up the specific order and call their customer service number, as there doesn’t seem to be an FAQ titled “My book is missing some pages! What the fudge?” This being a Sunday evening, I figured to get the good old “Our regular business hours are ____to____ Monday thru Friday & ____ to ____ on Saturday. Please call back then”. Lo & behold, I actually got thru. I had to go off the board & press “0” since speaking to an actual person (I won’t say “American” because we all know THAT tune) wasn’t one of the menu choices given. I just tend to press zero until I get Rajesh or get hung up on. That’s just how I roll.
I was connected to Melissa, whose lovely greater NYC accent perfectly fit my mood. I explained the situation, and she very nicely informed me that since their return policy is 14 days that I was basically SOL.
Thinking maybe she didn’t understand, I reiterated that the book was defective, missing 33 pages. It wasn’t like I just decided I didn’t want it, or had received 2 copies of it as gifts. Nope, she had understood perfectly. I asked Melissa, very politely, if she thought it was reasonable to expect that when one purchases a book that one should flip thru it to make sure all the pages are there. She said “I can’t say what someone else might do”. I asked her if SHE would do that. She never actually answered me.
At this point I am getting a bit frustrated, but manage to keep my cool. I take a different approach. I say “What if this were a CD that was missing a song, or a DVD that is missing a chapter?” No dice. If it is after the 14 day return period, no returns are accepted. I said “Even though the book is obviously defective and could be returned to the publisher for credit?” Even that, apparently, did not sway her to my way of thinking.
I take the next step up the customer service staircase and ask for a supervisor. She verifies my e-mail & billing address and puts me on hold. She comes back on the line to tell me no supervisor is available (shock) and could someone call me back. I said of course and give her my phone number. She said it will most likely be the next day. I am OK with this since I know it is Sunday nite and all.
To cover all my bases, I send an e-mail to their customer service, not letting on that I had already spoken with someone (squeaky wheel & all). I also looked up the publisher online where, wonder of wonders, one of their customer service e-mail categories is for “defective books”. I shoot them an e-mail as well as a photo I take of the pages in question, so they can see I’m not a crackpot trying to get something for nothing. I wonder if this is what Melissa over at B&N thinks and decide I really don’t care.
Around 8 PM that evening I receive the auto-response e-mail from B&N. You know the one, thanks for contacting us, we will get back to you as soon as we can, blah blah blah. No more than I expected.
Monday morning dawns bright & sunny. At about 11 AM I receive an e-mail from the publisher. The are genuinely sorry, but I appear to have received a book which slipped thru their QC process. They are forwarding me a new copy via UPS and would I please destroy the old one. She also thanked me for the picture I sent and said she would forward it to the QC dept. Now THAT, my friends, is what I call good customer service.
I reply thanking her for the quick response, resisting the urge to bad-mouth B&N to her, as I am sure she doesn’t care. I did mention in my original e-mail that B&N was declining to help me since it was past the return period.
All day Monday, no call from B&N, nor an e-mail from customer service. Tuesday arrives as hot & sunny as Monday. I go about my daily activities.
About 3 PM I receive a call on my cell phone (the number I had given Melissa). It was a “supervisor” from B&N. I put that in quotation marks because he sounded like he would be better suited to asking if I wanted fries with that, or did I want paper or plastic for my groceries.
I re-told my story to him, but he was as unyielding as Melissa had been. He was “very sorry” but since it was such a long time after the return period they could do nothing, even though the item is clearly defective. I went thru my entire argument again, waiting for just the right moment to tell him he could suck it. And so I did, not in those words exactly, but I let him know that the publisher had already shipped a replacement. I also asked him if he was happy that he had lost a customer over an $8 paperback. He responded with the usual scripted “I’m sorry you feel that way ma’am” and we parted ways amicably. I’m sure in the grand scheme of things one mom from Ohio doesn’t matter a whole lot to them, and that’s ok. I felt better getting it off my chest. And I am very proud of myself for not crying or cussing while I did it. I tend to over-personalize these types of things and, therefore, to over-react to them.
I know that I had waited too long past the return period, but it isn’t like I just decided I didn’t want the darn thing. And I’m guessing it is an impersonal corporate thing, since yesterday I returned some contact lens cleaning solution to my local grocery store (retail price $5.99) that was irritating my eyes. The guy at the service counter had me get a new one and on my way I went. Perhaps if I had taken the book to a store and spoken to someone in person I might have been able to swap it out for a new copy. But we will never know, will we? Because I will never buy from B&N again, online or in a store.
I will now buy from Amazon (free 2-day shipping with Amazon Prime!!!) or my local bookseller.

Welcome to my blog!

2009-06-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

Hi & thanks for taking time to read my blog. I hope it will be entertaining for you to drop in once in a while & check out my musings, rantings and occasional (OK maybe NOT so occasional) smart-assery. Feel free to share me with your friends. I am just starting out, but I have plenty to type about. I definitely do not lack for material, for just as Shleprock always had a cloud overhead raining on him, so I seem to have a virtual cloud of asshats, dumbasses & idiots surrounding me in my every day life.

Enjoy!!